Post by Kinki on Jan 31, 2007 23:06:07 GMT -5
<------------------EBONY!Since it has gotten around that there are either visiting OM mods on our board or spies that tattle tale on us I have a few things to say. First of all, it must suck when you feel powerless and can't stop someone from speaking their mind. Boohoo for you guys. Now this isn't posted on your board so you can't stop me from writing it or delete my thread and I'm not being a hypocrite since this is opened for everyone to read.
Second point, it's kind of a double standard when you tell people not to insult you in their threads but basically make it okay for one of your lackeys to call the people who voiced their opinions bitches. So long has it's not directed at you then insults are okay, I guess.
Third point, I am aware that my "fight" with Mandi has gotten back to the mods. (The reason I put it in quotes is because I don't really consider it a fight more a short discussion) And then later one of the mods wrote that people have already lost friends over this OM thing. Hate to break it to everyone but Mandi and I haven't been friends for a while. She is a liar, a hypocrite, and a brown noser. Essentially everything I dislike in a person so I don't wish to associate myself with her. Having her talk to me is just asking for my day to be ruined. The OM thing simply put an end to our quaintance. Ever heard of three strikes your out? 1. Liar. 2. Hypocrite. 3. Brown Noser. Three strikes!
Fourth point, I've talked a lot already about stories being deleted based on personal opinion and I've assured a couple of you that this will never happen on TML. I have also reviewed some stories that have bad grammar and spelling and I have offered my services for beta. See unlike other people, I preach about a beta but actually use one as well. Which brings me to my next point.
I understand that Ebony's first language isn't English but, darling, if you're going to preach about a beta and you acknowledge that you're not great at English then why not use a beta yourself. It's obvious that you don't. See I took the liberty of reviewing your last update of NQG, kind of the same way the mods reviewed everyone elses story. I didn't concentrate on characterization but I did concentrate on grammar, spelling, changing of tenses, word usuage, etc.
Latest Update:
A strangled squeak of terror escaped Ladbroc’s lips at the thought, his fingers digging into the wood of the handrail. Marty the midget craned his neck awkwardly and gave the giant of a man a funny look at the noise so entirely unlike of him, (Unlike of him?)but Ladbroc kept staring ahead with unfocused eyes, a sudden look of despair on his face. Shrugging, Marty turned his attention back to the island, a grin spreading to his lips as he spied a dark speck in the middle of the crystalline waters of the river that cut through the lush island, leading inland – it was a longboat. And on the prow of the said (should be 'of said') longboat, Marty could make out the figure of their Captain, one arm waving at them as a signal.
“There they are!” Marty yelled at the top of his lungs, pointing in the boat’s direction. The crew erupted in loud cheers and claps at the words, and Ladbroc snapped out of his trance.
“Thank everything that’s holy on God’s green earth!” the tall man exclaimed one of Mr (What happened to the punctuation?)Gibbs’ sayings with such utter gratefulness in his voice Marty looked at him again, but the other man had already bent his frame forward and leaned his forehead against his hands that still gripped the ship’s railing tightly, as if all his strength had suddenly waned, his shoulders shaking from quiet laughter.
Matching Mr (Again no punctuation) Cotton’s bemused expression, (Yet again bad punctuation. Should be a semi colon instead of a comma.)Marty shook his head at the mute man. “Some people just can’t deal with being in command.”
* * * *
“Captain!” Ladbroc exclaims gratefully as Jack hoists himself on deck, turning back to grasp your hand and helping you up. (Should be 'help you up'.)“We’re glad to see you all made it back safely!”
“’Specially seeing as he can’t handle the pressure,” Marty puts in dryly from the side just as you step on the Pearl’s deck, weary and achy, but infinitely relieved and happy to be back more or less in one piece.
Marty’s comment earned him a puzzled glance from Ladbroc, but the tall man forgets about it soon after as he steps forward to offer his hand to Anamaria (Changing the tense in the same sentence), who’s climbing up – the mulatto woman glances at the big hand, shifting her eyes from it to Ladbroc’s face and frowning. The tall man gets the message and pulls his hand away, trying to act nonchalant about the rejection while stepping out of Anamaria’s way as she climbs onboard with no aid, shaking her head and muttering under her breath.
“I say, as I live and breathe,” Gibbs grunts with relief as he climbs onboard,
“Never been more content to set foot on this deck!”
Drawing in a steadying breath while the rest of your party climbs onboard, you concentrate on just standing still on your trembling legs – they are still aching something fierce from the sprint through the forest from the mountainside. Lady Luck had been on your side as you’d fled across the grassy plain. You had thought for sure your heart would stop beating from fright when you spotted the crowd of natives that had chased you standing by the field, where they had ceased their pursuit earlier. However, none of them were interested about you and your friends; they were all too busy staring up at the rumbling mountain, eyes wide, pointing with their hands and chattering anxiously in an incomprehensible language. Then, a handful of the natives had dropped down on their knees in the grass, beginning to chant, bowing towards the mountain. (Comma pepper shaker and no 'and' in between chant and bowing)While the natives had been so obviously preoccupied, you, Jack, Gibbs, Anamaria, Will and Elizabeth had easily slipped by them unnoticed and sprinted through the forest to the river. Another lucky occurrence was the fact that your boat was still tied to the monstrous barrier in the water, and remained in one piece. You dare not to imagine what might’ve happened if it hadn’t. Inhaling deeply while staring out at the smoking volcano, your fingers absently pick on the strip of cloth around your cut palm, one that Jack had torn from his sash and tied around your hand in the boat.
Jack presses his palm lightly on the small of your back as he comes to stand beside you, his russet gaze roving from head to toe in close scrutiny. “You alright?”
You nod, exhaling tiredly and trying to ignore the ache in your ribs and back. “I’m alright.”
Jack’s eyes narrow, easily seeing through the blatant lie. “Sure you are.”
You turn your head to give Jack a wry look and you open your mouth to reply, but that’s when the rumble of the volcano crescendos suddenly, gaining volume and intensity while the entire mountain quakes ominously, riveting everyone’s attention to it. With a thunderous boom, the pinnacle of the mountain erupts, large pieces of rock hurling through the air and rolling down the mountainsides (mountain side), loosened by the pressure of the upsurge. Vapours of smoke pour continuously out of the roaring abyss, ash mixing in the blend of thick clouds that hang heavily upon the lush forests, wafting upward towards the blue skies. The mountain booms loudly again, the yawning, smoking summit beginning to push out lazy rivers of fiercely glowing magma that slither down the sides like hissing red snakes. Small explosion trembles the mountain again (It should either be; 'A small explosion trembles' or 'Small explosions tremble'), the peak spitting out a chunks (There should be no 'a' there) of burning stone that hurl through the air, each tailed by a trail of fire like fiery shooting stars. Amidst the black shrouds of smoke and dust, the peak glows vibrant red like an entryway down to hell.
It’s an awesome display of Mother Nature’s powers, (One of the rules on their story submission is to not use modern language that does not fit the style of POTC. Awesome was not a word used back then. Sorry to burst your bubble)but you sure as hell are thankful to be watching it safely onboard the Pearl. Momentarily, your thought strays to the Spaniards who fled the scene earlier, wondering what became of them, and the natives stuck on the island.
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Jack raises his brows at the words, mollified in an instant, a peculiar gleam coming to his eyes. “A point worth concurring with,” he decides slightly distractedly, steps away from Ladbroc and turns to regard Norrington, (Stepping away from Ladbroc and turning to regard Norrington.)who has been waiting patiently with something akin to weary boredom on his face.
“Commodore,” Jack smiles amicably, clasping his hands together and rubbing the palms against each other slightly as if in anticipation, “I trust all went well in your end, (On your end)and why wouldn’t they have? With your troops having such a capable commander as yourself?”
The Commodore responds with that smirk he uses only on Jack, the one that always appears just a tad forced. “Those words would be flattering, if only they were coming from anyone else but you.”
“At least you have to credit me for trying,” Jack returns unflappably, smirking. “It’s the thought that counts, after all.”
“Quite,” Norrington says dryly, managing to sound entirely unconvinced with only one word. “Am I correct in assuming that Delgado has been dealt with? It would be most unfortunate if every Spaniard except their Captain was detained and I might be forced to reassess that reward we discussed…” he trails off nonchalantly, tilting his head slightly in question.
“Let us not get ahead of ourselves here, Commodore!” Jack hurries to say with a raised hand, forefinger pointed to the skies. (Pointing to the sky. As far as I know there is only one sky.)“Our arrangement is still valid, exceedingly so – for your demand has been met. Mind, we didn’t technically, strictly speaking detain her, but it’s really very unlikely she’ll turn up again to bother anyone in near or far future,” Jack assures quickly. “Savvy?”
Norrington takes this in, staring at Jack with slightly narrowed eyes. “And you can be absolutely certain of this?”
You take this as your cue, being the only one onboard who actually witnessed Delgado’s demise. “She was shot at, stabbed through with a blade and then plunged down a ravine filled with boiling water,” you interject, nodding. “Yes, I think that did it.”
The Commodore shifts his pensive gaze from you to Jack again, nodding finally. “Very well. As much as I rue the fact that I can’t walk her down the gallows myself to pay for her crimes, I must say this bit of news puts my mind at great ease.”
“As it does for us all, I’m sure,” Jack says smoothly, a shrewd look on his face as he goes on persuasively, “Now, not meaning to be pushy…” he trails off for a moment, and you swear you can heart Norrington (I believe that should be 'hear' unless she hearts Norrie.) give a small snort, “But I believe there was talk about a certain reward… eh?”
Norrington regards Jack with an inscrutable look for a moment, head tilted to the side just slightly. “Was there indeed?” he finally queries, his forehead scrunching up a little in thought. “I cannot for the life of me seem to recall anything of the sort.”
You raise your brows in surprise at the Commodore’s reply, shifting your gaze to Jack, who is looking rather stunned. His jaw has dropped a little and his eyes widened a touch desperately. Finally he blinks his eyes, blurting out his incredulous reply, “If I could oblige the Commodore to dig through his memories with little more tenacity (a little more tenacity) he would indisputably remember a distinct promise of a pardon in exchange of aid in detaining Delgado!”
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You nod your head in agreement, giving Jack a small smile. “Yeah.” (Again 'yeah' is a modern term. Back then it was either 'yes' or 'aye'.)
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James marvelled (marveled. You know some of these mistakes Word tells you that they're wrong and it's a simple matter of clicking the line beneath them.) at the way the fleeting rays burnished the deep ochre curls of Gemma’s and gave them a glorious glow. To James, her hair was simply a thing of beauty. Never before had he seen locks of such vibrant hue before (The word 'before' should only be used once.), and combined with the brilliant, sky-blue eyes and smooth skin like porcelain
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He had never really believed anyone could fall in love so swiftly, surely it would require a longer period of time first knowing the person? (Should be, 'surely it would require knowing the person for a longer period of time?')
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“I’ve heard that Port Royal a place of civilization, (Should be, 'I've heard that Port Royal is a place of civilization'.)and I don’t rightly know if I fit into such a category after spending three years on that ship with those dreadful women.”
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“Thank you for your kind words, but I still fear they might perceive me as…” Gemma trailed off, biting her lip again as she struggling to find the correct words. (Should be, 'Gemma trails off, biting her lip again as she struggles to find the right words.')
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Even the calm swaying of Pearl (Unless you're sitting on someone named Pearl it's 'the Pearl'.)and the quiet groans of her wood isn’t making you drowsy as they usually do at night.
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You cannot help but to map his features affectionately, your gaze travelling (traveling) from his lips to his cheekbones and kohl-smudged eyelids, roaming down again to trace the slope of a strong shoulder and linger a moment on a pinkish scar on his shoulder blade.
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“And really, are you still bitter about that? I’ll have you know that it wasn’t actually my fault that you began to see pink elephants flying all over the ceilings and had a bit of an hangover the next morning—”
“A bit of an hangover?” Will cuts you off.
“Fine, a big of an hangover.(Should be 'a' hangover not 'an'.)
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"And she’s right, (Bad punctuation. Should be a semi colon not a colon.)I know she is, but nevertheless…”
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Now this isn't even the whole update because I got tired of reading all the character description. Seriously I already know what Jack looks like I don't need pages and pages of his description. I've seen him in the movies.
Lastly, I believe she told an author that Will and Elizabeth shouldn't be with Jack and "you" because they should be living happily in Port Royal. If that's the case why exactly are they in this story? I guess for her it's do as I say not as I do.
"If you want respect, you have to do something worth respecting."
Take Care,
Nikki
P.S. Didn't bother to spell check this because I have headache and don't care.
)
